By Adam Neff
There is a slow but progressive movement in emergency services … when it is convenient. That movement is understanding and prioritizing mental health. There is a belief by some that with the way we came up and how we handled the hard stuff that we turned out “fine.” This has turned out not to be true, but because we lie to ourselves, we continue with the same poor approach when we bring on new people. Then we wonder why we are losing new people right out of the academy or after a year or two. We make huge assumptions that new people coming into the job know what they are getting themselves into. I do not believe they do, because as instructors we tend to share some wild stories of new recruits quitting because they did not know they had to wear an air pack or work outside (true story). Now, do not twist my words, not everyone is cut out to do the job. But are we so cynical to not even ask the simple question?
How are you doing? No really, how are you doing?
I am an administrator in my current role and a provisionally licensed professional counselor. I spent 18 years working on the line in separate roles. One of the top concerns I have for the people I serve is, “Are they balanced more than I was?” Being balanced looks like the following: Do my people realize that time is precious and limited? Do they know that their family, kids, and spouses would rather have them home than extra money? Do they understand that not sleeping more than a few hours a night is not normal? Do they know that eating so fast that you finish first and sit there watching your family eat is not normal? Do they know that no matter what they do while in the organization it will continue without them?
When I came onto the job, the firefighters that I wanted to be like fit almost all these qualities. They were always in the firehouse, had big cigars in their mouths, wore the saltiest-looking helmets, and were on the job longer than 15 years. What I further discovered was that there is a long list of unhealthy coping and survival strategies. When talking with emergency responders (firefighters, police officers, and EMS personnel), there seems to be a reoccurring theme of a “mental health-push it down until it doesn’t hurt anymore” mentality. The strategy of containment can be very successful until it’s not. We as emergency responders have some other very useful coping strategies that will also work until they don’t. Do you do any of these yourself? Would your loved ones describe you using these?
- Deflect with humor. No one has developed this skill better than emergency responders.
- Keep talking. We will mention the hard stuff only briefly and then keep talking about random stuff, just keep talking.
- Isolate. We spend time alone while on duty and off; this is not seeking time for reflection but rather choosing to be alone because it is easier than the slight chance of having to talk about something hard.
- Stay busy/distracted. You just keep working and you will do anything not to have to sit with whatever it is that is bothering you.
- Drugs or alcohol. This can look different for everyone. Here is what I am talking about when it becomes an unhealthy use: Day or night you are always drinking or using; alone or with someone, you are going to use, making excuses that you need it to sleep and hiding it or denying the amount you use.
Many in public safety survive by being so busy there is no time to process the bad and unhealthy stuff we experience daily. We routinely work doubles and triples, and we justify this strategy to ourselves and our families that we need to make money for the upcoming vacation, future college fund, or braces for the kids. We lean into work for our mental health because being stagnant is scary. I know the feeling “if not me then who” and I can relate to the understanding that my fire department will continue without me. I also know that I cannot do everything (although I try). You do not have to sacrifice yourself for the job to do it well; being you and doing the job to the best of your ability has value.
When you are feeling unbalanced or you are being overwhelmed with feelings (the dreaded “F” word), here are some skills to try.
- Journaling. Writing down what you are feeling, the situation that contributed to your feeling, and where they come from is a great way to get back into balance. Additionally, you can be free to write whatever you want because no one will read it. Emotions come from the right side of your brain; when big emotions come up, they can overwhelm the left side of your brain. The left side of your brain is the organizing, control, and structure. Journaling helps manage those big emotions because writing keeps you in your pre-frontal cortex.
- Movement. Being active is a great way to become balanced–working out, going for a walk, or just dancing. Moving gets our body off the bench and into the mental health game.
- Talking. This is more than just moving our lips. Sharing what is going on with us is a great way to manage our emotions and be validated by others. It is likely that when you open to others, they will be more open to you. If your peers do not feel safe, then try with your parents, spouse, partner, or friends outside of emergency services. But you need to find YOUR PERSON.
- Be Creative. Doing art, any kind, of art helps manage those big emotions (same side of the brain) by being expressive. It does not have to make sense (that’s the left side of the brain); do not try and make sense of it before you start. Just do.
- Grounding. This is a skill that can be helpful when we are stuck with some ruminating thoughts–when we are lying in bed and think of the past and we should’ve or could’ve or maybe just tried a little harder. Grounding gets us back in the moment, and there are lots of exercises to help us get grounded and even some on YouTube to guide us.
- Take a Shower. Letting our body have a different sensation can act like a grounding exercise. How many times have you said, “I feel better,” after taking a shower?
The idea is that we stay balanced in all aspects of our life. This is not an arrival type of feeling but rather an intentional action of effort every day. The process is very much an ebb and flow. There will be times when we have worked too much, and our family suffers. Conversely, there will be times where we are physically present with our family but our minds are someplace else. Those feelings of missing a call or giving our input on a project will come up, and that will be a great opportunity to practice communicating with your person about what is going on and how you are feeling.
Remember, if you notice things in your life are getting to be a bit much and you are not in a good space, then there is a good chance you are out of balance. Operating at a high level comes at a cost, and your mental health is too great of a price to pay. Ask yourself, when was the last time I did something for me? When was the last time I got a good night of sleep, exercised, or did something that was creative? When was the last time I sat quietly and read a book or had a meaningful conversation with my person?
The more balanced our firefighters are, the more skilled they are in communicating feelings and emotions, and the better the environment at the station and at home. The more we can communicate that we care about them, the longer our firefighters will stay. As the old leadership saying goes, “Take care of your people and they will move mountains for you.” Through listening and validating their feelings and experiences, we can communicate that they are more to us than just firefighters.
We as department leaders must model the behavior we want to see in our people; we must lead by example. We spend thousands of hours and dollars training them to solve problems in the worst situations possible. Why not give your firefighter space to come to you when they are feeling some sort of way without judgment or fear?
All you need to do is LISTEN!
Following are additional resources that can provide valuable information to start your own peer program or department training or if you are struggling now.
Firefighter Behavioral Health Alliance- https://www.ffbha.org/
National Suicide Hotline- https://988lifeline.org/ 988 is the number.
IAFF members- https://www.iaffrecoverycenter.com/
National Volunteer Firefighter Council- https://www.nvfc.org/phfd/
The Firefighter deconstructed podcast- https://firefighterdeconstructed.com/
BIO:
Adam Neff is assistant chief of training and operations at the Nixa (MO) Fire Protection District and a provisionally licensed professional counselor. His fire service career began 29 years ago as a cadet volunteer. He has presented at regional and national conferences on personal development, mental health, and leadership.
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