Madison Willis – Rapid City Journal, S.D.
Jan. 4—The gleaming yellow of his father’s firefighter uniform always held a strange fascination for young Matthew Emrich. It was a beacon of safety and strength, a symbol of his father’s unwavering dedication to serving and protecting their community.
As a child, Emrich would watch in awe as his father donned the uniform, transforming from a loving parent into a brave hero ready to face any danger. The image of his father, clad in that uniform, became etched in Emrich’s mind, fueling his childhood dream of following in his father’s footsteps.
“I just thought like any other little kid who looked up to their dad. It was really cool, and I just wanted to make a difference and help others,” Emrich said.
At the age of 16, Emrich reached his dream by attending a volunteer fire department course and beginning his journey in the first responder world. Emrich said he was even given the unique opportunity to fight a few fires with his father early in his career.
However, the bright-eyed enthusiasm of his early days soon gave way to a harsh reality. The sights, sounds and smells of the fireground were far more intense and traumatic than he had ever imagined.
The weight of his responsibilities grew heavier with each passing year, as he witnessed the devastating consequences of fires and the profound suffering they caused. The once-clear line between his personal and professional life blurred, and the emotional toll of being a first responder began to weigh heavily on Emrich.
The stigma
Emrich is one of many first responders who shoulder the mental toll of their career. The Journal of Occupational Health Psychology indicates that firefighters and other rescue workers experience post-traumatic stress at rates comparable to combat veterans.
A report by the journal indicates about 20% of firefighters and paramedics meet the criteria for PTSD at some point in their career. According to a study by Badge of Life, a suicide prevention organization for police, officers are more likely to die from suicide than by any type of criminal activity.
Emrich said the reason why suicide rates are so high within occupations such as first responders and military service members is because of the cultivating of a “toxic tradition or stigma.”
“Firemen, cops and military members are seen to be these big tough people and up until the last few years it’s been looked down on if you were to ever say ‘I have a problem with that call’ after seeing a very bad incident,” Emrich said.
Through this stigma, Emrich said first responders get worried about being punished for opening up about the horrors they’ve faced. So to avoid ridicule and punishment, their emotions are bottled up, resulting in them seeking negative outlets such as drinking, isolation or death.
“Instead of dealing with it, people just internalize it. And as we know so well, you’re not handling it by stuffing it down, you’re making the problem worse,” Emrich said. “You’re just stuffing things into a closet over and over again for years upon years and at some point the hinges of that closet are going to burst and everything is gonna come out.”
In the last 10 years Emrich had lost several friends who were first responders to suicide.
“The responders are always the heroes, the problem solvers and the fixers. Our job is to show up to a chaotic situation to fix the problem and a lot of times that comes at a cost,” Emrich said. “We have our own internal problems that we’re not addressing because we’re always worried about taking care of others.”
A brotherhood built from trauma
The relentless exposure to trauma took its toll, and Emrich found himself grappling with PTSD. Desperate for relief, he sought ways to escape the emotional turmoil that plagued him. But a chance encounter in 2018 with police officer Dan Raetz changed everything.
Their paths had crossed before, amidst the chaos of emergency scenes. Emrich recognized a kindred spirit in Raetz, someone who understood the invisible wounds borne by first responders. Raetz, an officer since 2010, shared Emrich’s deep-seated commitment to service, a legacy inherited from his own parents in law enforcement.
“Some of my earliest memories were growing up in different police departments and sheriff offices in Wyoming. It was always a field I wanted to go into,” Raetz said. “It’s as if I’m kinda carrying on a family tradition.”
Between shared calls and quiet conversations, a bond of understanding formed. They leaned on each other, finding solace in the shared experience of bearing witness to the best and worst of humanity. A brotherhood was forged in the fires of adversity, offering a lifeline of support in a world that often demanded too much.
“Around the time I met Dan, I was in a really dark place — we both were. But I had to make a decision on whether I was gonna keep spiraling down this path that’s leading to destruction or I could do something about it,” Emrich said.
Conversations from crime scenes soon transitioned to the outdoors as Emrich showed Raetz his passion to seek adventure within the Black Hills and beyond.
“For me that was when it really grew into realizing and feeling the outdoors, the adventures and the hikes were more so for us to process our stuff,” Raetz said.
As the two explored, both had reached out to their agencies and sought help to address their mental health. Expecting to be met with backlash, the two were surprised by the support they received.
A path to healing
Since 2019, the towering peaks and rugged trails have become their refuge. With each lung-burning climb and breathtaking vista, Emrich and Raetz chip away at the trauma they carry, finding solace in the grandeur of nature.
The shared struggle, the physical exertion — it all helps to lighten the burden, to make the memories a little less sharp, the nightmares a little less frequent, Emrich said.
Now, the duo has set their sights on their most daunting challenge yet: Mount Kilimanjaro, a dormant volcano and the highest peak in Africa.
Its snow-capped summit, rising just over 19,000 feet above the Tanzanian plains, will test their limits and further forge their bond. On Jan. 5, Emrich and Raetz will begin their ascent, this time not for their own personal gain, but to provide to the first responder community.
“We wanted to do a little bit more in our communities in the first responder world,” Raetz said. “From a few conversations, the idea turned from a boys’ trip to something bigger than ourselves.”
Emrich and Raetz are climbing Mount Kilimanjaro to raise awareness and funds for first responder and military members’ mental health. They’re supporting organizations like Save a Warrior and Warrior PATHH, which provide resources to those struggling with the emotional toll of their jobs.
Their journey is a testament to the healing power of nature and the importance of supporting those who serve on the front lines. Emrich and Raetz both echoed that their goal is “to break the stigma” of mental illness around these professions so their members can seek the help they deserve.
The two had started a GoFundMe, where all the donations will be given to charity. Emrich said the goal is to raise $5,000 by Jan. 17 when the two reach the top of the summit.
Emrich said once they are at the top they will be perching a flag with one simple message: “Break the stigma.”
You can contact Madison at mwillis@rapidcityjournal.com
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