By Sarah K. Ames
Resilience is something we often hear described as the ability to “bounce back” from emotional hardships. However, this is a gross generalization of a topic that is extremely important during a time where depression and suicide rates continue to rise. We need to take a much deeper dive to truly understand resilience and how we can manage it. I dislike that “bouncing back” is our go-to description of something that can literally be the difference between surviving and thriving and even life or death. A lack of resilience can lead to poor mental health, unhealthy coping skills, and ultimately even suicidal thoughts or attempts at suicide. This is a much bigger deal than patting someone on the back and telling them to just “get over it” when something is bothering them.
Terminology like “bouncing back” implies that resilience is just a shield that requires no conscious effort to maintain. It sounds so simple and mindless, but that’s just not how resiliency works. Have you ever gone through something hard? How long did it take for you to feel completely like yourself again? Probably quite a long time. Even if you didn’t let it show, you probably felt the physical and emotional toll for a while; you may have felt tired, distracted, and a little down. Those are the effects of acute stress. We don’t hear bad news and just shrug our shoulders and move on, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t resilient.
What happens, then, when something hard happens to us and it doesn’t bounce right off? Are we damaged? Does it make us weak? Our brain is not a shield. It does not deflect trauma and stress. It takes it in and processes it and that requires time, effort, and consistency. It is unrealistic to make people believe that hard things should just bounce off our brains without any intentional intervention from us.
While it’s true that a person with good resilience may be able to recover more quickly and manage emotions well during challenging times, it is a great burden to put on people to expect that type of immediate rebound. This is especially true of those who are more sensitive, who may require additional time, self-care, and even outside assistance to help overcome hardship, but even those who are more naturally resilient will have to put in the work to maintain their mental health. Resilience is taking the time to process the stress, deal with the physical and emotional effects, and build yourself back up from it to be able to move forward from it. This takes time, and it takes conscious effort.
Without this knowledge, someone who is going through hard or traumatic times who feels obligated to bounce back right away may feel faulty because he can’t, which further inhibits healing, creates feelings of alienation, and creates additional stress. Instead of explaining resilience as the ability to bounce back, we have to do a better job at explaining that resilience is something that we need to prioritize as part of our daily health routines.
With our bodies, if we regularly exercise, eat well, and rest when we need to, we will be overall stronger and be able to recover more quickly from physical pain, generally speaking. We know this well, especially in emergency services, that we need to do these things to stay physically capable of doing the job so that we can serve others. However, mental health in emergency services is still highly stigmatized, and often we hear of first responders refusing to reach out for help due to fear of appearing weak or incapable of doing the job. We would never ridicule a firefighter for working out so that he can perform better on the fireground, and we should never criticize someone for taking care of mental health either.
We don’t expect our bones to bounce back from a fracture. We don’t expect our skin to bounce back in place when we get cut. And nobody expects your heart to bounce back to full strength after a heart attack. We thoroughly understand that if we don’t take care of our bodies, eventually an injury or illness is going to occur. And when the injury or illness does occur, we are quick to seek help so we can heal as quickly as possible.
Our bodies don’t just bounce back from physical stress, and the brain isn’t designed to do that either. Continuous stress and trauma without any maintenance can lead to many types of stress-related illnesses and mental health problems. Therefore, we must change our mindset of the brain and stop expecting it to bounce stress off without taking care of it. The misunderstanding of resilience may be hurting our responders and contributing to burnout, PTSD, and increased rates of suicide. Just like any other part of our body, the brain needs rest, fuel, and exercise to build strength back up after it takes a hit.
Once we stop expecting our brains to be made of impenetrable rubber and start understanding that our emotional health requires just as much attention and care as our physical health, we will all start building better resilience. Instead of thinking of resilience as a shield to protect you from emotional responses, start to think of it as a brick wall, there to protect you from the harmful effects of stress. Think of the bricks as your life experiences, good and bad–the things you love; the traumas you carry; your values, experiences, and memories. It can be a lot to carry, especially when you just keep piling things up on top without ever working on the foundation. The mortar is your self-care, your resilience, the glue that is holding your life together. What are you doing to maintain your wall? How are you caring for your mental health? If you leave a brick wall alone long enough, the mortar begins to deteriorate and the whole thing starts to crumble. If you take care of it as the damage occurs, it can stand strong for a long time. Your metaphoric wall, and your resilience, can be built up, knocked down, damaged, and repaired, but it’s up to you to decide how you manage it.
So, what can you do to start your emotional foundation off strong?
First, you need to prioritize sleep, because sleep is how our brains rest, heal, and process stress. This can be challenging for first responders because we never know when calls will come in and we often work long shifts, but it is essential to find ways to allow yourself periods of uninterrupted sleep as often as possible. You may find it beneficial to talk to the people you live with and set up scheduled periods of time for sleeping. Volunteers may have to designate time for the pager to be turned off, and career responders could try having a discussion with the shift supervisors and whoever is creating the schedule to ensure that adequate time is provided between shifts to allow for rest.
The next way to take care of your mental health is to make sure you find healthy outlets, such as a friend to talk to, a stress-relieving hobby, or anything that puts your mind at ease and takes some of the mental load off. This truly looks different for every person. Some enjoy journaling, others prefer physical activity, and many people turn to their faith. This may also include spending time with friends and family or doing projects that bring you joy. Whether it is reading, fishing, driving, or running, just make sure you make time for it. The activities that help your mental health are just as important as the things you do regularly to maintain your physical health.
Finally, and most importantly, be honest with yourself and recognize when your mind needs a little extra attention. When you feel yourself starting to struggle, make sure you take extra care of your mind by resting, leaning on your healthy outlets and self-care practices, and give yourself the time you need to get better before adding more stressors. Be honest about your mental health journey. You may just encourage others to do the same and you may find support in places you never imagined.
Once you incorporate these things into your regular routine, you’ll be more capable of managing stress and coping with traumatic experiences. When you prioritize your mental health, you will start to become more resilient and find that you are capable of handling hardships better. Giving yourself some grace and time to process trauma, the way you would with a physical injury, will lead to a much healthier life. Understanding that resiliency takes work to strengthen and maintain, and that we can’t expect the stress to bounce off, can help to keep you in emergency services for a long time without burnout or stress-related illnesses slowing you down.
And, of course, make sure you reach out if you need a little extra help. You can only be of service to others if you are taking good care of yourself first.
BIO:
Sarah Ames is a sergeant at Garden Spot (PA) Fire Rescue. She works full-time as an environmental, health and safety manager and is pursuing her master’s degree in emergency management. She is a passionate mental health instructor and developed Ames Presentations to share her stories and help other first responders live their happiest and healthiest lives while they serve their communities.
