Dear Nozzlehead: I’m a junior company officer, and my department has a chief officer who’s in charge of a tour that loves to participate in roughhousing and horseplay. Whether it’s on the training ground, during a pre-fire plan walkthrough or in the firehouse, this behavior seems to happen everyday. Employees have been hurt, and fire equipment and civilian personal property have been damaged. Here are a few examples:
- Aiming and flowing a deck gun at a member positioned a short distance away.
- Putting dry ice and water in plastic bottles to create explosions.
- Kicking subordinates for fun.
- While performing a walkthrough in a building, breaking a door while attempting to trap a firefighter in a bathroom.
- Touching, grabbing and wrestling with members.
- Messing around with members’ personal property.
We have many very new, very young firefighters who are picking up on this type of behavior and emulating it-and they think it’s normal. Do you think I’m overreacting? What would you do if one of your officers was acting like this?
-Concerned in California
Dear Concerned,
Is that the best he can do? You’ve got to be kidding! Silly, silly man. I was talking to a lad from England named Stewie who simply LOVES fun around the firehouse!?That rascal?suggested the following:
- Send subscription requests to embarrassing magazines in the person’s name; make sure to check “Bill Me.”
- Get change of address cards from the post office and change the person’s address to Guam.
- Put Nair or some other hair-removal chemical in the person’s shampoo or conditioner.
And how about these? Send your probies to find:
- Double-sided transparencies (giggle!)
- Dehydrated water (chuckle!)
- A bucket of compressed air (be careful!)
- A left-handed Halligan tool (silly probie!)
- Sparkplugs for a diesel engine (doesn’t everyone know they don’t exist?!)
- A chain stretcher (stop … stop … stop … I can’t stop laughing!)
- Hydraulic cement bender (they’ll be out for HOURS!)
- Snowtires for the ambulance stretcher!
Want a real laugh? Use numerous bungee cords to fasten someone to their bed. Oh, the laughter! Or perhaps shave someone while they’re sleeping. Be creative. Create a half mustache, lop off an eyebrow, etc. Or what about this old favorite: Use a permanent marker to write all sorts of fun messages on someone while they sleep; the message could be something like “[name of a person you dislike] was here.” Or maybe you can write a message in lipstick on their chest. It could say “Thank You,” followed by the fire chief’s name.
OK, let’s get real. Do you really think I would recommend doing any of this stupid crap in the firehouse? Wake up and have your chief officer wake the &#%* up, too!! Fun in the firehouse? Sure, but what you’re describing isn’t fun for anyone.
First of all, every single one of the above gags is stupid-those I suggested and the ones your chief officer is committing. But let’s review his gags to determine what headlines and stories could possibly follow the chief officer’s actions. After all, the media always gets the story straight, the public loves all firefighters and attorneys would NEVER go after fire officers or departments. Ha!
Let’s take them one by one:
-
Aiming and flowing a deck gun at a member?positioned a short distance away:
FIREFIGHTER DIES FROM HEAD INJURY AT FIRE STATION
A firefighter was killed last week at the Moronville Fire Department (MFD) after a chief shot a high-velocity water stream at a firefighter who fell and broke his skull. The chief was quoted as saying, “We were just having fun and something must have gone wrong, but it was an accident.” An attorney for the dead firefighter’s estate claims that the chief “had it out” for the firefighter and meant to cause the fatality. -
Putting dry ice and water in plastic bottles to create explosions:
FIREHOUSE PRANK CAUSE EXPLOSION, FIREFIGHTER HURT
A firefighter was hurt last week at the MFD after a chief created a miniature bomb and activated it in the firehouse. The injured firefighter has not yet regained his eyesight. Federal agents are investigating why the assistant chief intentionally set off the bomb. - Kicking subordinates for fun:
FIREFIGHTER ALLEGES ASSAULT BY FIRE CHIEF
A firefighter is suing the MFD, claiming her supervisor assaulted her. When interviewed, the firefighter’s attorney explained that the 300-lb. chief kicked her because he hates women in the fire service. -
While performing a walkthrough in a building, breaking a door while attempting to trap a firefighter in a bathroom:
FIREFIGHTER CLAIMS CHIEF IMPRISONED HER
Firefighter Sue Emall claims that, while on recent fire safety inspections, her chief shoved her into a closet and locked the door. An emotionally distraught Emall claims the chief also tried to touch her when no other firefighters were watching. The other firefighters on the inspection back up Emall’s claims. -
Touching, grabbing and wrestling with members:
FIREFIGHTER CLAIMS SEXUAL HARASSMENT & ASSAULT IN FIREHOUSE
An openly gay male firefighter has filed a?federal?lawsuit claiming his male chief touched, grabbed and wrestled him in the firehouse in an attempt to gain sexual favor.?The firefighter claims that prior to this behavior, he was subject to anti-gay slurs and homophobic behavior by the assistant chief, who is a married father of two. -
Messing around with members’ personal property:
FIREFIGHTER CLAIMS CHIEF STOLE MONEY FROM HIM
A firefighter with the MFD has filed a police report after finding his assistant chief looking?through his wallet, at pictures of his wife and reportedly taking money from the firefighter’s locker. Although an employer has a right to look for something specific in some cases, the firefighter claims the chief officer viewed “very private and personal photos” and then stole money from the locker.
Do any of these headlines sound familiar? Absolutely, because each incident has happened in one way or another to many, many fire departments across North America. As a matter of fact, the state you come from, California, has had some “award-winning” judgments against departments there and may lead the nation in these kinds of stupid actions.
That said, following are simple rules to keep you out of trouble:
- Keep your hands to yourself unless the touching involves training; and in the case of training, only touch when really necessary.
- Use equipment safely and only for the purpose for which it was designed.
- Kick no one. Hurt no one. Touch no one. Keep your body parts-ALL OF THEM-to yourself. Always.
- If it isn’t yours, leave it alone. What’s in members’ wallets or lockers is their business unless you’re performing an official inspection for which you have documentation and authorization.
- If you have time for horseplay, then you’re not spending enough time on FIREFIGHTER TRAINING.
Here’s your solution: Show this column to the chief officer, or copy it and put it in his or her mailbox. And if none of this works, see the above headlines for further suggested actions. Will this cause trouble? Maybe. But for just a second, imagine your son, daughter, wife or whoever you love being the victim of any of the abovementioned actions. Now what would you do? I’m sure you’ve all seen those very popular bracelets that say WWND-What Would Nozzlehead Do? If I were in charge, in any of the abovementioned cases, that chief officer would be unemployed. We have no time for someone like this to do their best to destroy the fire department, its public image and the comfort and safety of its members.
On that note, I’ll leave you with a Nozzlehead Tip: Act as if you’re on camera all the time, and your boss and your loved ones are watching. Now how would you act?
