Single vs. Attached

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Permalink Reply by Erika Asst Fire Chief on June 26, 2008 at 2:13am

I agree that being single is easier then to deal with someone who has no clue what it is like to do this job. I find a number of problems dating. I was with someone for 3 years before going back into the fire dept. and he always told me to do what made me happy. Then it started, the being jealous, and feeling threatened. Always saying things like " I am afraid that you will leave one day for a call and never come home." And the day he watch the fire truck pull away and started crying then got mad because the fire truck was back at the station for 5 min. and called wanting to know why I was hanging out at the station. So I had to pick one or the other,,,,,,,,,,,and he did make it safely back to Fla. a week later. I find it harder to find someone who can understand why we do this, and I think it is harder when the firefighter is a female. I vote to be single,,,,,the only weight that should be on your back is an air tank. Have fun at what you do and never let anyone tell you how to live your life or make you change it for them.

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Permalink Reply by Megan on June 26, 2008 at 9:19pm

Erika, I like this quote and can relate, I will have to remember this one...
"the only weight that should be on your back is an air tank"

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Permalink Reply by Kelsey Fosdick on July 2, 2009 at 11:37pm

I'm young, only 19. and basically 'tried on' the whole fire fighter thing, but I love it. I love listening to calls, and I don't go out and drink, like a lot of my friends, because I might miss a call! It's the only thing that gets my heart racing, and it's the first thing I've tried out and thought I couldn't do it, and am! For 20 hours a week I'm dress pants and blouses as a bank teller, and it pays the bills, but the first chance I get, I'm taking off work for a training! It's weird to think last year I was excited because I had a nice, girly, non-seasonal job where I got to get all dressed up for it everyday. Now, I'm just getting gear issued to me. I remember about three weeks ago, I got full bunker gear for an extrication class, and I went over to my friend's house (he's a fire fighter), and I wore it there and home! I don't know what is so much better about the fire department then anything else, but there's just something there. Once you're in, you're in! I don't think someone who doesn't know that can begin to understand it! BTW - nice to see a female asst. chief!

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Permalink Reply by Justin Buck on August 26, 2008 at 11:26pm

its hard to find a gf that doesnt mine me leaven to go to calls. they think that i give more to the dept than i do her. i told i do this to help others in need.

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Permalink Reply by rebecca on September 18, 2008 at 10:20pm

what about her needs you need to stop and think of that and stop being a glory hound. You are suposed to be doing this to help others not to get praised and crap, if you ever want a meaningful relationship you better start thinking of someone other than yourself cause that is what you are doing or you would stay home with her

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Permalink Reply by Steve Coker on September 29, 2008 at 3:34pm

You know that most of the time about 95% of it volunteers and paid guys are ridiculed and put down by people more than they are praised, I have been blessed with some one whom understands what i do. I have been involved in the fire service for nearly 15 years and love it. The fact that being a vollie doesn't matter the jeliousy that some one shows when you leave is understandable to a point, just from the feeling of you not returning, I know because i can sence it with my S.O. but at the same time she understands cause what if it were her family that need us? it's really a catch 22, and damned if you do and damned if you don't. I spend as much time as i can with my S.O. but when i'm really needed she understands

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Permalink Reply by robbie sledge on June 7, 2009 at 8:16pm

we have a comitment to both out S.O. and the station me id just pick which calls i went on depending on how large of a call it was and how long its been sence ive been with my S.O. so i mean yes you have your obligations to your S.O. but you also have your obligations with your station. and its not about being a glory hound cuz if you in the fire service for that then you need to leave cuz your going to get someone hurt. also your S.O. is going to just have to be strong and jsut understand what it is you really are doing. so. im kinda both ways with it. just talk to him/her to find a a place to "meet in the middle" on.

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Permalink Reply by Todd Meisner on June 8, 2009 at 8:54pm

When I read some of these other posts I can relate 100 percent, I know how difficult it is to find that special someone that understands all the responsibilities that comes with being a firefighter. But it is a little upsetting that people think we are doing this just for personal glory, we do this because it’s something we love, the reward of helping someone in need when they need it the most. We don’t pick and choose the time when our pagers go off; they need to understand that, sometimes it happens when we are most busy or when we are spending time with family or our S.O. That’s part of the job, and if my girlfriend were to tell me I was thinking only of myself because I went to a call rather then spending time with her, then I wonder what the person who’s house is burning down thinks of me when no one shows up to help him, or the mother involved in a car accident in the middle of the night who watches her kids cut up and in pain, trapped inside the car only to see a fire truck with a crew of two because everyone else’s S.O. didn’t want them to leave. I know there is a give and take when you’re in a relationship, but there also has to be some understanding, firefighting is a major responsibility, people are depending on you, not just the people you’re going to help but the crew you work with. If they can't seem to reason and understand, then you may need to choose between your S.O. or the department. For some it may be a hard choice, but not for me, like Erika stated earlier, "the only weight that should be on your back is an air tank."

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Permalink Reply by josh tompkins on June 9, 2009 at 2:48am

yep agreed...with most of the posts. if its a good relationship, trust shouldn't even be an issue. if your man is so insecure hes crying when you go to respond, that's just too much weight. there should always be some general concern due to the different hazards of the job. but that sounds like manipulation to me. talk to your S.O. alone and explain that its a team of highly trained, some skills specific, individuals that have a job to do. sorry. if that person can't deal with that, there's a decision to be made. and i doubt too many folks are giving up fire/ems to be with someone, who will probably just end up ruining your credit and an ugly breakup down the line anyway. little sarcasm. lifes too short for drama. do what your heart tells you.

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Permalink Reply by Kelsey Fosdick on July 2, 2009 at 11:27pm

I kinda dated this guy for awhile and he is EMT/FF/JAWS... So there've been a lot of times when he's ditched me for calls. Actually, he was part of the reason I ended up joining. I got into listening to the pager and watchin him get up and go! So, now I get to. We were never jealous as far as where it would've effected a relationship. I was jealous of his structure fire the other night. Ha. But, it was good. I think if I found a firefighter and our personalities clicked, then I'd be set. Friends are great, but there's stuff you worry about with the dept. that other people don't get unless they're in a similar field or have been. It's either about finding someone who knows it, or someone who's extremely patient about it.

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Permalink Reply by Megan on July 3, 2009 at 1:39am

Kelsey, Josh, Todd, I agree with what you have all said. I've been casually dating here and there, but I think would eventually like to date a FF in the hopes that we would understand each other and the dedication and different issues, etc. I know that if we have a bad incident, where someone might need to talk, they feel like they can't talk to their s.o. or family because they don't want them to have that burden that they have, or to worry about them more than they already do. Laypeople usually become very uncomfortable if you are telling them a gruesome, glassy eyed recalling of a fatal that will stick with you forever. You want them to retain their innocence and naivete somewhat. While you can never unsee or unexperience, you feel they shouldn't have that burden just because you do. Thats just one of the issues where I feel it might be better to date within the field. It seems to me that being able to bond over something that you are both so passionate about would bring people closer. Then again, some people like to leave work at work and enjoy the diversity that their s.o. brings. Another interesting thing to note on this though is that firefighters/ems/police have the highest divorce rate. I wonder if this also applies when both are in the biz?

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Permalink Reply by Kelsey Fosdick on July 3, 2009 at 9:10pm

I think that if you both are in it then you'd understand it. Maybe there'd be power struggles; we all know those people that do the job for the rankings, but other then that, there's really nothing that'd conflict, I don't think! I'm a relationship girl, so it's easy for me to have faith in relationships, but sometimes the job changes you a lot. Hell, scroll up to my first comment. Three years ago I never would've thought I'd be doing this!

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