Public Support Helps Ease Worcester Family's Pain

SCOTT J. CROTEAU
Telegram and Gazette

WORCESTER - The word "griever" can carry a negative connotation for some. Many believe grievers look for closure when an event rocks their lives.

For James F. Lyons Jr. and Joan Lyons, the sudden death of their son, Lt. James F. "Jay" Lyons III, brought emotional paralysis. But they don't believe closure is a word befitting their grieving.

"I never liked the word; it's not what you want as a griever," said Mr. Lyons, 78. "That gives you the feeling you want to forget the person, and you don't want that to happen.

"You think that would be a painful kind of process and to some extent it is, but the point of grieving is memory."

Pain eases with time. The Lyons family is not at the same level they were during the initial weeks after the fire. Joining The Compassionate Friends - a group dedicated to helping those who have lost children - helped.

"You never expect your child to die before you. How can you have closure with the death of a child?" Mrs. Lyons, 74, asked while sitting in front of pictures of her son. "Jay hadn't lived his full life. He did a lot in his short life, but he never had a chance to marry and have a family."

Compassion, the word, resonates with Mr. Lyons. It is something that has stayed with him the most since the loss of his son at age 34.

"If someone were to ask me what has stayed with me, it's the compassion of people. That's now what I remember," he said. "The compassion of people; the care of people; the understanding and generosity of people. I am always grateful for the compassion and the kindness of the public during that early period. It was an overwhelming feeling of understanding by the public."

Firefighter Lyons' comrades gave great care to the Lyons family. They drove the family places and continually checked on them. After a recent interview, Mr. Lyons walked next door and talked to his neighbor, retired District Fire Chief Michael O. McNamee, a man described as Firefighter Lyons' hero when he was young.

The Worcester Cold Storage and Warehouse Co. fire still feels like yesterday for Mr. Lyons, and he wrestled with the meaning of the loss. He has found meaning spiritually.

"Their legacy is going to be important," Mr. Lyons said. "They're going to have an important and significant legacy. The legacy might be in the safety that will come to the community as a result of it. It is important to remember this legacy comes at a terrible cost."

The Worcester Polytechnic Institute research program developing a search and rescue system to find firefighters and the tightening of building codes are part of the Worcester Six legacy, he said.

As Mr. Lyons describes a now-silent grief that still hangs in the shadows after the warehouse fire, he finds solace in poetry, Robert Frost and Emily Dickinson in particular, he said, quickly reciting a Frost poem.

"The healing process never ends. Grief comes back to you strongly at times and the importance of that is remembrance, not closure," he said.

James F. Lyons III

Lt. Lyons, 34, of Worcester, joined the Worcester Fire Department in 1987, immediately after graduating from Clark University. In 1992, after five years with the department, he decided to join the Massachusetts State Police.

He was assigned to the Shelburne Falls barracks in Western Massachusetts, but after 18 months he requested a transfer to Martha's Vineyard. In 1997, he rejoined the Worcester Fire Department, returning to the job he always loved.

"As a young boy, he tugged at my sleeve to be taken to the fire station," James F. Lyons , his father, said in the aftermath of the inferno.

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