Funny and Rediculous Calls

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Permalink Reply by Brandon on March 31, 2009 at 2:16am

well we had a call for chest pains. As we rolled up there was a woman sitting on the step with huge knockers. She stood up and we almost walked by her until we asked if she knew had called 911. The second she said i did and i just got implants our captian turned around and just started laughing histariclly! haha it was sssoo funny!

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Permalink Reply by Trevor Wendt on March 31, 2009 at 9:37am

HA! o my god. ha thats awesome. i cant beat that. ya got me.

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Permalink Reply by Jim on April 1, 2009 at 11:06pm

I get a phone call at the station one afternoon.

" Quick! I need the Captain on Ladder 33!"

"Uh huhh, you got 'im!"

"This is so and so in communications and we just got a call from a lady who needs fire, police and EMS at her residence. She claims she has had one of her nipples bitten off!"

I thought it was a joke from one of the champion pranksters on my shift at the time and said "yeah right, who the h*** is this?" and hung up the phone...

They called back. Turns out it was the FD communications and they are telling me of just how they couldn't word it to sound right to dispatch it over the air, so they decided to phone the station direct.

At the time, I had a young kid on the truck, nervous, shy and scared at anything to do with the female population. I'll call him FF Joe.

So I round up my crew and as soon as I tell FF Joe the origin of the call , I swear the kid started shaking.

So we arrive and here is FF Joe bolting off the rig before it gets stopped completely, grabs most of the EMS gear out of the compartment, drops half of it trying to run to the house. We are met at the door by this huge lady with monster 44 jjj endowments, wearing nothing but a towel who proceeds to cry us a story of doom and gloom.. yeah, if ya can't guess by now, she's a little ORAOB....

"I'ss muh boyfrien' and eveh time dat we's ha' sum ses (her pronunciation), he starts wif dis s**t bitin' me!"

It's all I can do to keep from just horselaughing...FF Joe is shaking while staring at her all wild eyed.. So I get her to sit down in a kitchen chair and ask her about any injuries, all the while TRYING to maintain composure and professionalism.

FF Joe gets down on one knee in the kitchen floor in front of her and she proceeds to "poof"! her towel away and show us a speck of blood about the size of a pencil erasure on left lateral breast..

FF Joe's mouth is now open as wide as his eyes and he is shaking so bad I start to wonder if he's having a seizure...My driver just stares glassy eyed and I can tell he is losing his efforts to keep from laughing.

I admit it..... guilty.... I did it just to screw with FF Joe and see how he would handle it...

"Yeah, that looks pretty bad, I guess we better bandage that with some 4 by 4's and a 4" Kling swath around her, Joe!"

I though the kid was going to pass out. He tore a couple of 4x4's open, more like he caused them to explode out of the package, spilling several more into the floor.

So about this time, here comes two of the local gendarmes' finest McGruff the crime doggies, inside the house all cocked, locked and ready to rock, They question her and she repeats her sad sexual tragedy to them and they head on down the hallway to quiz Mr Jaws the BF announcing just how they will "take him to jail", blahblah.

They fully intended to "take a bite outta crime!" I guess..

Well she now commences to caterwauling about " Noooooooo, ah uh jes' lohhh (love) 'ih sooo mush, Jes make 'im stop bitin' me! "ect ect ect

By then, the EMS crew had arrived, led so ably by the proverbial "Little Johnny" of the EMS field. I had known Johnny from working previously on EMS with him and a better clown to have answered this call, could not have been found. So FF Joe is attempting to bandage her wound by smearing blood everywhere, he's so scared and nervous, my driver is almost in tears now from, he says later, biting his tongue to keep from laughing, I myself am having to squeeze my mouth and eyes shut to maintain composure when i get an idea. Hey, we're from the fire dept and we're here to help, right?

So while Mizz Thunderjugs continues her wailing about the lovebirds' sexual shortcomings, FF Joe now has a roll of kling rolled out across the floor with a pile of 4x4's in a wad trying to figure out how in the heck he is going to swath her, and, is the kling roll long enough? when I present my idea to her.

"You know ma'am , the next time he starts that stuff bitin' you, you know you could hurt him a lot worse than he hurts you----" I never get to fininsh the sentence as Little Johnny EMS steals it right out of my mouth--

"Yeah just kick him in the nuts!" says Little Johnny.

That just set her off again and now here comes the local constabulary down the hallway with Mr Jaws in handcuffs, which changes her attitudes to one of anger towards him...

Little Johnny offers his own solution to the affair. "Well the next time he starts bitin' you, just bite his *** back!'

Miss Thunderjugs explodes off the chair, her endowment flopping right up FF Joe's face, I hear him stifle a moan of terror, he falls backward in shock in the floor amongst the bandages and trash into the jump box spilling it everywhere and we all take a step backwards as she now screams at us.

"Ah caint bite 'im back! she yells at us..

Little Johnny asks her, "Well why not?"

Miss TJ screams back at him, ' Cause ah ain't got no f***in' teef, seeeee??? (her pronunciation of teeth) opening her mouth wide looking like King Kong...

I barely remember half staggering for the front porch and I wasn't the only one. I couldn't take it any longer..

I was draped across the front porch banisters on my knees just screaming with laughter. I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe, I laughed until I began throwing up, all the time squealing something like "holy s**t, holy s**t, ohh my God please make it stop! Oh I can't breathe, somebody help me!"

There wasn't anyone that I can remember who was in much better shape than I was as the porch was full of paramedics and firefighters just screaming with laughter, some upright, some on their knees..

That happened back in 1995 and I can truly honestly say that that was the hardest and most, by far, that I have ever laughed in my entire life...

It was truly a had to be there situation and I'll never forget it...

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Permalink Reply by Jessica Travis on April 2, 2009 at 2:02am

im not sure what to say to that lol, i would have peed my pants laughing right there

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Permalink Reply by dakota crouse on April 1, 2009 at 11:13pm

like two week ago we were toned out for a small brush fire. got half way there and was told to stand down. our driver little sister a jr for the dept was driving by the reported fire and happend to put it out with her fast food drink cup.

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Permalink Reply by Nathan Whoric on April 2, 2009 at 12:44am

hahaha gotta love people

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Permalink Reply by Trevor Wendt on April 2, 2009 at 10:01am

ha. nice. thats my kinda call- where they offer ya a beer. it doesnt get any better

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Permalink Reply by BillySFCVFD on April 5, 2009 at 12:03am

Sorry 21 and older only. TCSS

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Permalink Reply by Andrew Bayless on April 2, 2009 at 10:56am

last summer we were hanging out a the station and a call came in for a animal stuck in a tree. we hopped into our squad and when we arrived there was cow stuck in a tree. Its head was stuck between two split trunks of a tree and body laying on the ground. so we decided to use the spreaders instead of a chainsaw because a chainsaw would have cut to close to its neck and the owner was quite attached to this bovine beauty. and now when someone asks me about this call I say we had to bring in our sister stations aerial because the cow was too high and our ladder would not reach.

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Permalink Reply by Trevor Wendt on April 2, 2009 at 11:04am

ha. thats awesome. lol. sounds like a call we would have

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Permalink Reply by frank barresi on April 2, 2009 at 12:51pm

We had a women hit two cows standing side by side. The first one was killed on impact but was pushed so hard into the second one that it went airborn and came down throught the rear winshield of the car and ended up standing in the back seat! The passengers were not injured. When the police officer noticed the car moving around he approached it with his hand on his gun because he had no idea what was going on inside of the car. We ended up taking the car with the cow in the back seat on a ramp truck back to the farm she came from and when the car was put back on the ground we opened the door and the cow ran back into the barn. This story was actually picked up by the National news outlets. Earlier that day we had a mini-van flip over on the same street and there were Girl Scout cookies spread out for a quarter mile. all we could figure is the cows were looking for cookies!

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Permalink Reply by Trevor Wendt on April 2, 2009 at 1:19pm

hey! if i was in the cows' shoes, id deff be looking fer cookies!

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