ANYONE ELSE DATING A FIREFIGHTER? HELP!? FIREFIGHTERS REPLY!!!

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Permalink Reply by Holly Clements on July 1, 2008 at 7:57am

Hey Steph,
Job related relationships are really tough to maintain especially in the fire service. I work for a full time paid department and after 10 years on the job fell for my LT. I immediately transferred out so that the rumor mill would have less fodder to spread about and now 10 years later we have been happily married and still going strong. After working in an all male environment for 20 years I have a fairly good handle on how the male mind works. Guys like the chase. Once they have you then they look for different things to challange them. You are doing the right thing by stopping the phone calls, now you should not be available to answer the phone when he calls. Don't wait around waiting foe him, go out and have a life. Go out with friends, movies, shopping. Anything but waiting at the door like a doormat. Let him wonder and worry a bit. If he doesn't then it may be time to move on.

Good luck and be safe - Holly

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Permalink Reply by Ruby Mosbey on July 1, 2008 at 8:30am

let him go he loves what he does we all do! yea it nice to get a call or text but you have to realize that he needs his space

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Permalink Reply by Michael Bleifeld on July 1, 2008 at 11:07am

Hey Steph,
I think almost everybody here wrote something right, but I think it's the mixture of all statements here that shows the truth.
As a full time firefighter I can tell you that there is something very special that makes our job so wonderful and - I'm sure - your boyfriends thinks that way, too. Sure, it's kind of problematic to call you daytimes at the firehouse and it's surely possible at the evening when daywork is finished and freetime at the firehouse begins. But after a workful day theres quite a lot of fun with the other guys in the firehouse that he doesn't want to miss cause of calling with you. You should not be sad about that, it doesn't mean to you that he loves you not. Believe me I love my girlfriend a lot but I don't call her every duty at the firehouse. We ff's live to lives, the one at the firehouse and the one at home with our families. And both lives are usually very nice and very important, but it's not always a good idea to mix them.
I also wear a pager at my free time because the structure of my fire department needs guys who can help when the others are out. When the pager rings and he leaves you to get to the firehouse is no sign for you that you are not important for him. I'm sure he loves u much. But when the pager rings there's a thing that reaches the deepest region of a firefighters body and says him that is he needed and that his honor wants him to help.

I think it's not easy to be in a relationship with a firefighter but it's something special that you shouldn't miss. And it should fill you with proud that your boyfriend is a firefighter even though when he leaves you because of an emergency.
I hope my thoughts put in english words could give u some help solving your problem.

Wish you (and your relationship) all the best!

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Permalink Reply by Elizabeth on July 31, 2008 at 9:20pm

ok so the last two guys i've been with our firefighters and i am too. You have to get used to them puttin the fire dept ahead of you and yes sometimes its frustrating and you want to throw the stupid pager at there head but shoot i'll be the first person to admit that if theres a fire or my dept needs help im out the door. As for the phone stuff let him call when he has time, most paid departments theres not alot of down time for him to be on the phone number two hes at work hes not getting paid to be on the phone all day. and yeah they act different at the fire dept because being all lovey dovey at the fire dept is not the place or the time for it you leave that stufff at the door the second you walk in the door your there to do a job not be all about the person your in a relationship with. Its important to them and you knew this getting into the relationship. its not something new they just decided to fill you in on.

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Permalink Reply by Brittany on July 31, 2008 at 10:38pm

i don't know if this will help out much but im a firefighter and i've been around it and a lot of my family is in it and what not they all have pagers on them at all time and i know they are always waiting for calls to come and they go no matter what they are doing or what time it is i've known them to live there job to go on calls but it is a very stressful for a relationship but if its what he loves to do im not sure theres much you could ask him to do i know theres nothing like the rush you get when you get the call and about the station i have no idea they are guys and guys are just guys and im not sure but it is his jobs and those are his brothers/sisters and its part of your family and they are here to serve there community and thats there duty and not all the time is he free to call he it maybe a a very busy day or night and he don't have time to call or he has other things to do at that station just talk to him about it

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Permalink Reply by Waylon Spencer on August 1, 2008 at 12:13am

Hey Steph...i know what ur talking about..i'm a guy and i feel more comfortable at the sation and i'm sure i act diffrent...but I think its cause he is surronded by people like him...and all guys want people to think that there ready and they will try no to show emotion around there fellow fire and EMS....and the station is your second home and the the other firefighters, EMTs, or medics are your family.....but thats what i think...Bye

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Permalink Reply by Mufnmx on August 1, 2008 at 7:51am

Dear Steph: I can sympathize with what you are feeling, but you need to understand that he is also committed to his career. I have been in the fire/ems service for 26 years now, and my husband was a firefighter for almost 30. There are many times during our relationship that work came first. (He was 100% volunteer). there were missed dinners, holidays, special occassions, etc. but I also knew that the firehouse was extremely important to him. One time I was listening to the radio while he was on a call right after a hugh fight because I didn't want to be home by myself again and heard that a firefighter was trapped in the building. At that point I realized how much I really loved him because I knew that I might never see him again. About 15 minutes later I heard his voice on radio and was really happy. I made myself a promise never to get upset when he leaves to go on a call, because he may never come back and I don't want my last memory of us together to be of us fighting. Yes you will get mad sometimes but try to understand that it is difficult for him to get a free minute to call you. My best advice is to try to talk to him. As for what really goes on at the firehouse, believe me not much. Most of the time the guys are cleaning the house, truck or they are making sure all the apparatus actually works. Yes they do sit and play from time to time and there is a lot of testerone. But most of the time it is basically harmless. The questions you need to ask yourself is: Do you trust your guy? If the answer is yes then trust yourself and sit back and relax. If you dont trust him then you need to make a break and date someone who works 9-5 mon thru fri a nice safe office job that has easy access to phones.

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Permalink Reply by Corey D. on August 1, 2008 at 8:47am

Sounds like he is just really eat up with it all. He has a new role and he is excited about it because he thinks it means something.
The FD house is his get away. My opinion is he is not ready for a true relationship. He still wants to go play with is friends and the toys.
He also may think you were being too clingy. Chill out and go out with your friends and leave him behind sometimes. If he is ok with that then you don't need him anyway. If he is not then that is your time to tell him how you feel about it all.
Boys will be boys and we don't want our friends to think we don't have a pair when it comes to our women.
Hope this helps some.

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Permalink Reply by Chasefire on August 6, 2008 at 8:10pm

The problem is not the guy that's willing to give the shirt off his back to help a stranger. The problem is there is always someone willing to take it. It's a little like the story of the scorpion and the turtle. look it up if you haven't heard it before.

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Permalink Reply by Don Zimmerman on August 10, 2008 at 7:54pm

After 28 in the service, I have finally gotten a lot older. You as friend or whatever have to realize that he has made a big commitment to the fire service and to the public. On the other hand he has to start to let go. There are just some things that happen on his days off that he has got to realize he had no control over what happens and he can not do anything about it. On thing for sure, talk to him about, do not beat around the bush, be direct and force him to listen. I have been married 28 years to the same wonderful lady and we had this conversation a long time ago. I learned to let go and not worry about it. After years of having a scanner going in the house I have none and if work needs me then they can all call and I will go in, otherwise my time is for me and family!!!!! I understand what he is feeling and it will be one of the hardest things he has ever done, bar none. Zimm

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Permalink Reply by Phillip L Queen on August 13, 2008 at 2:20pm

The fire department is the best job in the world. It is a second family. Don't you wich you had a job that you are so excited about that you could not wait to be there. Don't be so uptight about the fire station. I did this for 37 years. The first wife was like you and called me all the time and didn't understand that emergencies don't give appoinmtents. It is a 24 hour 7 day a week job. Even when you are not there you are there. So be proud and excited for him that he has a job that a million people wich they had. If you try to pressure him into another position he would not be happy. Dont make it a choice between him and the job that will make it worse. My second wife a nurse understands that. She is excited when I got on a call out and she thinks that is outstanding that I am so passionate about my job. We have been together for 18 years. The "Strike Team Shit" is an important part of the job and gives him an opportunity to use his skills. If it was important enough to bring it up you should say cool I am so excited for you, have fun and be safe. As he gets older he will learn what the difference is between the two things he loves. You and the Department. You can do both.

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Permalink Reply by Rachel T. Corey on August 13, 2008 at 3:09pm

Firefighting/EMS is usually a 24/7 job. As a female I guess I understand it because it is my life.
As far as "what really goes on down there?" It depends on the house. Leadership usually determines how loose or tight the house is. And if the people (male and female) on duty are pigs, well that's how they will act. There is almost always busting balls going on. (you don't have to have them to bust them haha) And if your wondering about people being unfaithful. Well if they do fool around its not because of their job its because of the person as an individual. If they are "that type" of person who does that to their spouse/significant other..........I'm sorry for their spouses. To me messing around is wrong and even if I was single I wouldn't mess with any of my co-workers/partners because it would feel like doing my sibling........ GROSSNESS
There is a closeness that develops with people you count on to have your back and you have theirs. But for me its like family. If you want to ask me questions or just talk feel free to contact me on my page. Take care!

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