Relationships in the firehouse...what's your take?

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Permalink Reply by Dan Thomas on April 1, 2008 at 11:45am

Relationships in the firehouse...Boy oh boy! Now I'm not going to sit here and pretend that my firehouse and our members are complete saints and "nothing" has ever happened...But I'm also not here to air our dirty laundry because, as I heard it when I first started in the fire service, what happens at the firehouse, stays at the firehouse. I've seen relationships flourish and I've seen them fail tremendously. But what you really have to look at is the future consequences of a man and wife working or volunteering at the same firehouse. Countless times a day or month a husband and wife team up to ride the ambulance or engine to emergency scenes? What happens that one day when that ambulance or engine has an accident and injures or kills one or two of them? What happens to the kids, if any, that are involved? Now I know that many of you will read this and give the old response to any firefighter problem or accident..."it won't happen to me" well I'm here to tell you that it may not happen today or tomorrow but it will happen in your career.

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Permalink Reply by Joe Stoltz on April 1, 2008 at 12:25pm

There was a husband and wife team on our local medevac helicopter service. They were not permitted to be on the same crew together; I wonder if it's because of the accident scenario or just to keep them from potentially ugly H-W arguments? Probably a combination of both.

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Permalink Reply by Art "ChiefReason" Goodrich on April 1, 2008 at 12:53pm

When I was on our ambulance service some years ago, we had a couple of husband/wife teams. One couple eventually divorced because he was caught with his stethoscope in someone else's...well; anyway, the other couple argued incessantly the entire time of the call. It got so bad that if they took a call together, no one else wanted to go with them. Strangely, they are still married. She if off the service; he is still on. We had boyfriend/girlfriend. They would have a fight and one or both would quit the service.
Never had the problem on our fire department. We have a boyfriend/girlfriend team and we have another female who's husband isn't crazy about her being on the department. He shouldn't have any concerns that someone will steal her, if you know what I mean. Wait; that's not what I meant. Sheesh; she could be reading this. Back pedal; back pedal.
Anyway, the accident scenario is or should be a real concern, if there are younguns involved.
I don't know. I guess if it works, great, but I think the odds are against it for the long term. It would take two very special people and the people around you for it to work. Otherwise, it would be a major distraction and there is already enough of those.
Hey; look, Baywatch is on. Gotta go!
Art

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Permalink Reply by Angela Lee on April 2, 2008 at 12:42pm

I understand what you are saying and this can happen to anyone. I just look at it this way, I drive an hour or more to work everyday. This is my job so just because I have a potential to have an accident I should not drive there?

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Permalink Reply by O'Kitty on April 2, 2008 at 7:09am

When I joined, my husband didn't think I would listen to him. I don't at home. However, at the FD he outranks me, so I definitely always follow orders. I did gripe at him (discreetly) one time he ordered me to rehab, but I went.
I don't believe our members have witnessed me and him arguing on scene. I don't think we have. We've been a little peevish at training on occasion, but not a scene.
When I joined I did tell him that I don't want us entering the same dangerous situation together, because of the kids ... ie. entering a structure fire as a team. We do ride on the same apparatus though, don't have much choice on that.
I'm a professional in my real life, I carry that professionalism over to the fire service.

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Permalink Reply by Brittany Thomas Sparks on April 19, 2008 at 9:33pm

My name is Brittany Thomas My boyfriends name Is Dusty sparks We live in the same counties but were on diffrent departments we met out side of our departments well when we decided to get serious with our relationship I moved in with him I am now on the same department as him, but when we have an emergency we go our seperate was beciase he has his duty and I have mine we stay out of each others way untill the job is done, we have contained our relation ship thus far, we keep it proffessional its not honey this and honey that, Yes it gets hard to contain my self sometimes but when someones life is endanger, or there property is, you have to maintain professional realationship you have to some have higher emotional levels then others, but I guess every ones diffrent but intitled to their own oppinion

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Permalink Reply by Art "ChiefReason" Goodrich on April 22, 2008 at 11:08am

I don't want to seem cold, callous, indifferent or rude, but to be honest, I have not seen anything that indicates an emotional maturity that would deflect your anxiety if you were on the same fire department, at the same fire house, at the same fire call and your spouse has just hit the "mayday". You're outside and you are going to do what? I know one thing you AIN'T going to do and that is to remain calm. You are going to be freaking out, out of control and bordering on nauseous; male or female.
Sorry; I like my time at work, away from my wife and she does likewise. Then, when we get together, we can share our day, discuss the surprises, because she knows very little about risk management and I know less about bookkeeping.
Oh and when I was on the fire department, she snuck around and listened to the scanner, but she never told me that she worried about me. She believed that I would come home every time, because she knew me as a person; not as a firefighter.
Again; I think that we are hung up with the romance of the job. A guy hanging from scaffolding on a hi-rise doing windows could bite it on any given day just like we could. However; I don't see them doing a movie about window washers.
Oh, look; I segued into another topic.
I'll stop.
TCSS.
Art

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Permalink Reply by Jessi on April 22, 2008 at 10:49pm

ok on that i have an opinion, if you can't take it don't dish it. Im willing to bet that some of those very same people were not at all afraid to say what they wanted about other people. When you are hired on or joined for that matter i think there should be a note placed on all appliations 'this place is full of sarrcasting people' because i am in a long term relationship with a ff from another part of the state and the guys at his station don't know me and the guys at my station don't know him. There are still things said. But thats off the point no one can honestly say that they havent given another ff ale or female a ard time its part of what keeps us all sane. If when we went to work every day or on a call if it was all serious all the time none of us could handle the emotional stress, now i'm not sauing that things can't get taken a little too far. But hey according to the guys i've slept with everyone of them there when in reality i haven't even one of them. But you have to learn to take things like that with a grain of salt. If yo0ur going to be a ff put your big gile/boy panties on and realize boys will be boys and things will get said to and about you that are completely untrue and completely off the wall, you just have to deal withit and believe me the oppurtunity will arize to give it right back.

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Permalink Reply by Ana on April 23, 2008 at 12:51pm

My boyfriend & I have been together for 5 years, we both ran with the same company for 4 1/2 of them.. about 6 months ago our chief and him had it out, and he quit. The hardest part of the whole 5 years that I've been there has been his transition to being a "firefighters wife". Instead of the wife being stuck at home while the husband runs the calls, I'm running the calls and he's stuck at home. The times when we were there together were great! Once we got into the engine house, there was no relationship. I got on a truck without looking to see where he was, he got on a truck without checking for me. Once in awhile we ended up doing jobs together, but no more than anyone else. I think as long as you are both firefighters before you start the relationship, it can work. If you join the fire company to be with your significant other, forget it. It's not for the right reasons, so don't count on it working out.

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Permalink Reply by joe on April 23, 2008 at 10:19pm

in my station one of the guys met and married his wife in the station, when he went up the officier line, he would let the other officers deal with his wife for firehouse . never had a problem he has gone all the way up to asst. chief now and she is still in and thats now like 5 years . so if you can keep it seprate then thats great other wise don't do it

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Permalink Reply by boots on April 23, 2008 at 10:21pm

All I have to say is that if you are both VERY serious about your call to duty, you don't allow ANY personal life get involved in your JOBS! My husband and I work together, I am on the City Fire dept. and he is Capt. Of a county volunteer fire dept. and I am on the county as well with him. We share our experiences together. When we are called upon a scene, it becomes a professional situation. Personal is left in the vehicle(before the fire truck)! Leave the DRAMA for your MAMMA!

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Permalink Reply by Jessi on April 23, 2008 at 10:39pm

i completly agree whatever goes on at home stays at home and what happens at the station stays at the station.

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